The competition myth makes up one of the parts of the Female Achievement Triad, the interplay of common traits that holds women back from being their best selves.
The Competition Myth
Our society promotes the competition myth because we are taught to believe that in order for one person to succeed, another must not. But I believe that rather than live in an either/or world, our wellness depends on creating a both/and community.
Social media fuels the fire of competition. Your newsfeed illustrates that everyone you know is living a perfect life while you’re up to your elbows in the grunt work of family life. Or maybe you’re seeing people’s images of an amazing sunrise over the Atlantic from the window of a 777 airplane. But what you’re not seeing is that the photographer is going on a high-pressure, last-minute business trip that has thrown her life into upheaval. Even if you know this logically, it’s easy to get sucked into the one upsmanship of social media.
The competition myth as an attempt find acceptance or promote self-importance also manifests itself through Keeping Up with the Joneses and all of their material goods. Whether it’s the world’s most amazing stroller or gorgeous diaper bag, the fanciest car, or the super luxe gotta get those yoga pants, we compete with each other in big and small ways every day.
WHYYYYYY?
What’s the end game of all of this womanly competition?
If we are competing for a sense of perfectionism and having-it-all-together, are we hoping to gain acceptance by being someone we aren’t? Are we desiring to be seen as someone who can have it all—and actually enjoy it, too?
The reality is, competition is a form of doubt and self-sabotage. We are trying to prove—usually only to ourselves because this is a game no one else may even know we’re playing—that we are worthy of acceptance.
When you think about it that way, I think it makes the competition myth pretty darn easy to walk away from. You’re so much better than that!
In addition to the detrimental effects on your self-image that competition brings, it can have real effects on your physical health, too. Competition triggers the release of cortisol, which evolutionarily has been responsible for our fight or flight response. But if we engage in this competitive sense all the time, we keep our cortisol elevated to levels that fuel weight gain and keep your nervous system highly revved.
The good news is, you can do something about it!
Recognizing that you are in control of your time and how you interact with others puts you in the driver’s seat. You have the choice to put down the phone and stop surfing Facebook if it just makes you annoyed. You can choose to disengage from social groups where the conversation no longer serves you. If you’re feeling bold, call out those instances of competition and one-uppance as they happen. Sometimes competition is so habitual, we don’t really recognize we’re even doing it.
Rather than buy in to the competition myth, I propose we start spreading the truth of cooperation. That is, when we work proactively to build each other up, everyone wins. We are healthier as individuals, content with our own selves. We are stronger as a community, with each person playing her unique role. And we all know that if we serve our true purpose, we are magnetic way beyond what any pretentious behavior or handbag could ever be.
Mad shout out to Libby VanderPloeg for her inspiring animation:
Have you read the other entries in 7 wellness myths yet?
Or read them all at once in my free ebook– it’s the new and improved version of these posts!
