As we work to cultivate a life that is physically and mentally well-balanced, finding contentment provides a reassuring grounding from which other healthy habits can grow. Contentment doesn’t require everything being perfect; rather, it is a sense of calm that underlies the chaos of daily life.

 

Even the best laid plans likely will not be executed as written. This acceptance of reality being imperfect is hard for many women. If we can be non-emotional about unmet expectations, we can find greater contentment.  Practicing adaptability allows us to accept that everything in our life changes.

 

(Parents do this everyday, amirite?!)

 

Ultimately, finding contentment means knowing that everything will change (and being okay with that.)

 

On the one hand, it sounds really simple. On the other hand, it’s pretty radical.

 

What can cause a lack of contentment?

 

Three major ways we miss out on experiencing contentment are when we comparing ourselves to others, hold on to expectations, or are overly emotional regarding change (which we know will happen).

 

Unfortunately, the social media culture makes approval-seeking so easy and contentment so hard. If you’re active on social media, challenge yourself to be very realistic about what you post. Not everyone is happy and shiny all the time. And that’s okay! Your being real is a gift for everyone who sees your posts.

 

In spite of living intentionally for myself and not outsiders, it remains all too easy to compare myself to others in my social circle. I can’t compete with most of them financially, but I still find myself seeking their approval regarding what I look like, what I’m wearing, the work I do, or how fabulous my children are. Contentment challenges me to recognize that this external approval is unnecessary and detrimental to my well-being.

 

Judgement and perfection are the enemies of finding contentment

 

The social media culture also makes it so easy to feel judgmental about others. (What a waste of energy!) When I find myself falling into this trap, I look at what I am feeling judgmental about, see the circumstances for what they are, and do my best to be happy for the other person.

 

I get plenty of practice to be aware of my judgmental nature daily. It’s a recurring practice to resolve to have compassion for others and see ourselves in their shoes. With practice, I find contentment through knowing that I can feel compassion in difficult situations.

 

If we consider how finding contentment sometimes feels easy and sometimes feels hard, we can think about what we’ve given up to be where we are. The path of life is not straight.

 

Before my first child was born (in 2003), I was an assistant professor of humanities at a small college in Boston.  It was a prestigious job, and I loved working with the students.  After I became a mother, it was clear I did not want to be away from my baby in order to work outside the home.   I gave up the job knowing I would likely never have the chance to teach at that level again.

 

While I thought I was content with the decision to be a primary parent, I had nagging “what ifs” regarding if I had stayed in my professional role.  Little did I know then that by giving up that job I followed my other passion and have created a better, more meaningful career that also gives me better balance with my family.  But I didn’t know that at the time!

 

When I am feeling the questioning and second guessing, I try to remind myself that a big part of contentment is being present on the journey and enjoying it along the way. Sometimes the end works out the way I wanted, and sometimes it doesn’t. Again, being okay with the idea that everything changes is at the heart of contentment.

 

For me, living a life of contentment has meant that I have created a life outside of the typical American life. It’s true that I live in an Americana neighborhood with a delightfully perfect-looking family.  But we consciously choose to own our own businesses, choose family time over lots of structured activities for the kids, and limit media exposure and consumption. Remaking these choices day after day, year after year is part of our practice for finding contentment.

 

Finding contentment: Four Easy Ways

 

The good news is that finding contentment doesn’t have to be hard. It all starts with the breath. Slow down, lengthen the exhale, and let go of gripping in the body.

 

Getting out into nature is therapeutic, too. We can have a long exhale of CO2, which is toxic to us but life-giving to nature.  Breathing oxygen fresh from nature, rather than recycled through an HVAC system, moves prana (life energy) through the body.

 

On a day-to-day basis, simplifying your life can help you in finding contentment.

 

Most of us would be well-served to create better boundaries between work time and family time.  Sometimes the lack of boundaries means we work more than we want to (or really need to), and that gives the family short shrift.

 

Personally, I am working hard to simplify our possessions.  While I don’t intend to wear only five outfits for the rest of my life, I do recognize that the likelihood that I will need eleven cookie sheets at the same time is very low.  Perhaps I can pass some on to someone else.

 

Also, it sounds ironic, but exercise can help you slow down.  Take time to yourself—no music, no external chatter—and feel your breath move through your body as you move.  You may be surprised by how your focus shifts to everything your body is capable of doing.  Being contemplative with your exercise is a great tool for finding contentment.

 

 

The work of finding contentment encourages us to make choices outside of the norm as a way to honor our authentic self. One could even argue that contentment is an opportunity to move beyond that which is expected of us by society.  When we are living a well-balanced life, we find contentment in the everyday journey.